Goddess Trixie
Home
Part 1

 I mentioned previously that I joined a group of missionaries. They were called the Children of God and later the Family of Love.
This way back in 1980. This group believed in the Lord and were living together in `Family' homes, for their job was to be like the
early disciples spreading the message of the Lord to all. And this is what I was always searching for from the beginning of my life
and through out all my experiences. For since I can remember, I always wanted to serve the Lord full time but yet didn;t know how
I would do it, as I disliked going to church and couldn't see how I could serve Him there or live in a convent.

 So after my experiences in Northern Philippines, I decided that I needed to return home now that I was older and try to reconnect
to my family. I was on my way to Zamboanga City, a very unique city in the southern most part of the Philippines. I was taking a
passenger ship there, and while on board I saw a guy who was telling a man next to me about something. I listened to what they
were discussing. And heard him talking about `salvation' and I heard him asking this other man if he wanted to ask the Lord in his
heart. I was so much into listening to every word this guy was saying that I didn't notice him looking at me. So, after this guy
finished talking to the man next to me, and after the man had asked the Lord into his heart, the guy stood up and came towards me.
I watched him. I was intrigued about what just happened, as I watched him getting closer. I saw that he was smiling; I thought I
could like this guy. I thought he was so nice, especially after what I had just witnessed.

 He stood very near me, and said `Hello'. Only then that I was aware that he was asking me something and only then I realized
that I must respond by saying something back, otherwise he will be gone. And I won't have a chance to ask him what he was doing,
so I got myself together, focused and asked him about, `What he was saying to the man next to me.' He then told me, that he just
told this man about the Lord. And after, he asked the man if he wants to get saved. That's why; he said to me, `You saw us praying
together.' I was praying with him to ask the Lord into his heart.' I was so happy for the man and I was happy too, that I met this
guy, for right then and there I wanted to serve the Lord. So I asked him how I could serve the Lord. He then told me, how they
worked as missionaries and where they lived in Zamboanga, as that's where this ship was headed. He said if I liked I could visit
them and met the others in their missionary family. So I agreed. When we landed in Zamboanga, he gave me his address and how to
get a hold of him.

 After two days, I contacted him from where I stayed and we agree to meet. But the meeting was short because he said he had to
go `litnessing'. So I asked him about litnessing, he told me, it just meant passing out literature to people whether in restaurants, the
streets, parks, boats or wherever. I asked him if I can come along with him, but he said that I didn't know how. I said, `Then just
show me what to do, I'm sure I can do it.' After a few minutes talking, he agreed that I could go along with him. I was very happy.
I didn't care about the heat and the humidity, as long as I was able to serve. And I liked it so much that after few days, I asked the
guy if I could join their missionary group.

 Yet the first call from him, he told me that he didn't think they had enough room for me, I was so hurt, I cried and cried. I begged
him to take me in as I just wanted to serve the Lord and this group was the perfect one. He said that he would get back to me as
soon as their leader decides. When he called me next, he said I could join. Oh my, I was the happiest person on Earth.

 That same day he came and picked me up and brought me to their home. He introduced me to the others. But it was odd though,
because while he was introducing me to the others, he said that I would there as a `visitor and as a friend of his'. And there was no
definite time how long I could stay or when I had to leave. But for then, I was his visitor and a friend. I had so many questions to
ask but never got the chance to ask them. Everyday I went out with him, it was tiring but I didn't mind. I was serving the Lord and
it was full time and I wasn't going into the convent. So I kept quiet, as long as I got to
go out and tell people about the Lord. I learned to ask some of those I meet if they liked to ask `Jesus into their heart'. I was
amazed because, there were so many that were willing, and yet others so unresponsive.

 My days were busy but I noticed that sometimes, they didn't include me in their devotions in the mornings. One day I so wanted
to be in devotions, I asked why I was not included. One brother told me that I wasn't a member and that I was only there as a
`friend and a visitor.' I was really hurt but I didn't let them see that they hurt me. I continued to work hard. After a few months,
this brother, named Johannes, came and told me that I was now a full time member. As he now revealed to me that he was their
leader and had decided to let me join. I was happy and yet sad, thinking that he and they considered me not good enough for so
long. For I had seen that they just let other new disciples join without having to wait long. I kept my silent and just keep on doing
what I wanted the most, serving the Lord. But I was very tired by the end of each day, and yet, sometimes we had to go out at
night as well. It was so hard on me as they expected me to go out early in the morning as well, `provisioning' for the whole home.
Provisioning just meant, we went to the market and stall owners and asked for contributions.

I was getting left out too when it came to having time to study the words, which could strengthen me in the Faith. I couldn't study
at night, as I was just too tired. I was feeling alone all the time and lonely but said `not a word' to anyone including Johannes who
was supposed to be my friend. I really didn't have the time to talk to anyone. I was sent out with different people all the time, and
never again with Johannes.

 One day, the Family, (we called ourselves `the Family), announced that, there was going to be a party, but I was not told about
this and I asked why. But was told this was because, I was expected to cook and do all sorts of things while they are having a good
time. Oh yes I did all the work, plus serving them. I cried but they thought that I was battling the devil and therefore having
problems. So I was expected to `Pray and confess my sins to the Lord.'

 Anyhow, the party went on and I still working. I knew that they were having a good time. And there was this time, when
Johannes chased our maid but the girl was very quick and fast, so he was not able to catch her and I happen to be in their way
while I was serving the others. When he saw me, he grabbed me and threw me into the canal beside the party going on outside. The
water was fast flowing and yet on the bottom, it was full of broken glass.

 After Johannes threw me into the canal. He then jumped in and dunked me under the water. I Almost hit my head on the concrete
wall of the canal. I managed to get away from him and when I surfaced, I yelled at him, I said `I hate you' and I got out. And ran to
my little room to dry out, but his wife followed me and told me leave the `home' immediately. I was crying and so hurt that I asked
what I did wrong. Why did I have to leave, what wrong did I do ? What is the reason? She told me that I was of the devil and I
must not be there.


Continue to the the Conclusion in
Part 2  Vision of My Future Husband
More of Trixie's Experiences
Vision of my future husband